Eye halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marquees four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.
Did you ever wonder why teachers of writing
care so much about grammar
and sentence structure errors? One reason is
that these errors can
often cause embarrassing or damaging
misreadings. In the business world
these can be costly to your image.
Here are some humorous headlines. Have fun
reading them. Watch out for
- Include Your Children when Baking
- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash,
- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down
- Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers
- Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
- Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes
- Eye Drops Off Shelf
- Teachers Strike Idle Kids
- Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
- Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time
- From a Rome laundry: "Ladies,
clothes here and spend the afternoon
having a good time."
1. Verbs has to agree with
2. Prepositions are not
words to end sentences with.
3. It is wrong to ever
split an infinitive.
4. No sentence fragments.
5. Eliminate commas, that
are, not necessary.
Bloopers from the Medical World
The following quotes were taken from medical
records as dictated by
Tips for Proper
- By the time he was admitted, his rapid
stopped, and he was feeling better.
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on
side for over a year.
- The patient has been depressed ever
began seeing me in 1998.
- Patient was released to outpatient
- The patient is tearful and crying
also appears to be depressed.
- The patient has no past history of
- The patient expired on the floor
- Patient has left his white blood cells
- While in the ER, she was examined,
- The skin was moist and dry.
- Occasional, constant, infrequent
- Avoid alliteration. Always.
- Never use a long word when a diminutive
- Employ the vernacular.
- Eschew ampersands & abbreviations,
- Parenthetical remarks (however relevant)
- Remember to never split an infinitive.
- Contractions aren't necessary.
- Foreign words and phrases are not
- One should never generalize.
- Eliminate quotations. As Emerson said,
quotations. Tell me what you know."
- Be more or less specific.
- One-word sentences? Eliminate.
- Analogies in writing are like feathers
on a snake.
- The passive voice is to be avoided.
- Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it
- Who needs rhetorical questions?
- Do not put statements in the negative
- Proofread carefully to see if you words
- A writer must not shift your point of
- And don't start a sentence with a
(Remember, too, a preposition is a
terrible word to end a sentence
- Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
- Take the bull by the hand and avoid
- Everyone should be careful to use a
pronoun with singular nouns in their
- Last but not least, avoid cliches like
plague. They're old hat; seek viable